triangle traps


Coupledom Resolutions Revisited: New Years 2014

New Couples, Veteran Couples: Here are a few suggestions for the ritual of joint resolution that we call the New Year. When the ball drops this even numbered New Year be prepared. Talking Heads: Vow to aim for eye contact when you have verbal exchanges as much as possible. The walking out of or into […]

No, You Are The Problem: Finger Pointing in The Coupledom

Easy Enough: Is there anything easier, almost at any age, than pointing your finger at someone? Towards the end of the first year of life, most babies are pointing at something. And in our final days, feeble though we may be, we still have point-ability. No wonder we stay attached to this skill: it is […]

A Smart Mother’s Day for The Coupledom

Your Mother, Her Day: Mother’s Day is coming and the material world is busy reminding us to commemorate our mothers with flowers, jewelry, breakfast in bed, and dinner out at a special restaurant. Though this tradition of honoring motherhood has ancient roots, the current version began in 1907 when Ana Jarvis, desirous to honor her […]

Holiday Toolkit 2011: ToolKit of New Years Vows for Relationship 2010

As we all enter the weekend before Thanksgiving, it’s not too early to begin thinking about the end of the year and the health of our relationships. Here is another post about relationships and the holidays from the Holiday Toolkit. Today’s post from the Holiday Toolkit: Excerpt: Take a moment, contrived as it may sound, […]

The Narcissist’s Stocking Stuffer: A Coupledom Alert

Holidays Coming: How many days to Thanksgiving? To Hanukkah? To Christmas? To Kwanzaa? To New Year’s Eve? Enough to create a big fat Coupledom mess. What are the holidays known for in my profession? Opportunity for families to become combustible, leaving memories scorched with flames. Why? Holidays provide fertile ground for narcissistic orgies rich in […]

The Coupledom Contract: Who Gets Thrown Under The Bus?

The Costs Of Accommodation: There are many unspoken and even unconscious clauses in most Coupledoms. They may include never confronting your partner with the reality of their tone-deaf singing or limited grace on the dance floor. Perhaps the overcooked spaghetti goes unmentioned, or the gardening attempts that are less than stellar. None of these accommodations […]

Interracial and Interfaith Marriage: Triangle Traps?

Triangle Hell: Diane Farr’s piece “Bringing Home The Wrong Race” (the title alone speaks volumes) in the New York Times Sunday is a telling tale of a journey between worlds fueled by love. Ms. Farr, actress, author and caucasian, describes her courtship with Seung Chung, who is of Korean descent. I was intrigued by their united […]

ToolKit of New Years Vows for Relationship 2010

THIS NEW YEARS EVE, SUGGESTED VOWS FOR THE COUPLEDOM Take Time:  Each day, by email, cell phone or in person, touch base on how your partner is doing.  Be Curious: Just a simple inquiry, how has your day been? No distance or work load or diaper pile is far enough, big enough or deep enough […]

Holiday Mayhem for the Coupledom?

One Big Holiday Down: No matter which holiday you subscribe to, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, Ramadan or Kwanzaa, holiday gatherings tap chords of joy and notes of challenge for the best of couples. This is when partners feel pressured to perform at peak, cooking, cleaning, decorating, buying gifts, setting up guest facilities […]

Triangle Traps

No relationship is an island unto itself:  There are in laws, children, friends, political parties, neighbors and pets, all of whom can serve up a poisonous stew of triangulation unless a couple is trained to look out for this vile brew. Typical triangulations are: a child and one parent talk negatively about the other parent […]