The Red Couch Is A Year Old: The Ability Beyond Disability services manager, mover and shaker of our daughter’s residential component, invited the two moms and the residential staff to lunch to mark a year since the ladies moved into their cozy duplex/CRS (Continuous Residential Support) on August 1 in Ridgefield, Connecticut. The atmosphere and […]
transitions and special needs
A Humbling Journey with Warts and Blemishes for All To See: Part 2: 3-27-12
Jeez What An Adjustment: Since our daughter moved into her CRS on August 1, 2011, I have struggled to define the parameters of my role as mother in the new order. The fact that as of July 1, 2012 our daughter has become the responsibility of the State of Connecticut and a client of Ability Beyond […]
Social Graces and Seven Months: 2-27-12
Demo Day: Saturday our family attended “Demo Day” at the Pegasus Equestrian Center in Brewster, New York, where our daughter, along with other students, demonstrated her equine knowledge and skill acquired in their “Horse & Me” winter “unmounted” program. At the stable, each student in her class stood by a horse while they and their […]
Humor, The Antidote: 11-07-11
The Two O’clock Hour: Our daughter went to sleep at two in the morning after Friday night’s birthday. Though evening staff has a role to ensure that the girls shut off cell phones and laptops by 10 P.M. to enable them to wind down for a decent night’s sleep, somehow our daughter managed to keep […]
We Are So “P” of You: 11-5-11
A Run Down On The Cats: During our ride back from the birthday dinner/shopping celebration last evening, our daughter described her work at The Complete Cat Clinic earlier that day. She spoke of Elwin Nelson, Mocha and Coco. Elwin Nelson is white with brown patches, a male and “adorable.” Coco is a cat whom our daughter […]
Pulling Back? 10-27-11
I Wonder: Is the new season of Special Needs Adult Living upon us? Is it time for me to pull back a bit? I would like to think so. The vigilance of the last almost three months since the ladies moved into their apartment (August 1) is time-consuming and my extensive email correspondence with the […]
Sick & Pissed: 10-23-11
Sick & Pissed: My visit to the “infirmary” yesterday revealed a young lady on the red couch, still stuffed up and anxious about her ROAR training, focusing mostly on the new vocational life skills staff person who has to train with her today at 11:00 a.m. I am typing this at 10:58 with the hopes […]
Spirals Of Anxiety: 10-21-11
Halloween’s Haunt: Every year as the leaves drop and front lawns are bedecked with spider webs, dangling sheeted ghostly figures, and wondrous ghastly creatures, our daughter gets sick. By Halloween night or a few days later on her birthday, she is either on Zithromax (yes we have tried the naturopathic route) or at least Mucinex […]
What, No Cheesecake? 10-13-11
Restaurant Review: Our daughter went out last night with her apartment-mate and family to celebrate the young lady’s birthday, destination Cheesecake Factory. As food is a primary passion for our daughter, I was eager to get the inside track on the meal, especially the cheesecake. I checked in on the young ladies as they were […]
Post-Traumatic Momma; Completing The Quilt: 10-12-11
Sewing It Up: Happily, today I received a call from the ABD vocational director who has finalized the hiring of the missing piece, that vocational staff person whose presence is necessary to complete the quilt of our daughter’s daily adult life. A couple of weeks ago the ladies met her and she now has even […]
Patches Missing In The Quilt: 10-09-11
The Vocational Patch: It is now probably six weeks or so since the vocational life skills staff member abruptly left her post, leaving our daughter with only one volunteer job at The Complete Cat Clinic, a placement I had found for her two years ago. The other possibilities, ROAR, the animal shelter, and the senior residence […]
Part of The Process, Not The Solution: 10-7-11
Epilogue: Last evening at 9:15 I called my daughter’s cell phone to find out how her SPHERE rehearsal went, and if she felt O.K. about being there. As there was no answer, I called the CRS (Continuous Support Services) apartment phone line, knowing the staff person likely would answer. And she did. Her first words […]
Local Forgiveness and “Anything Goes”: 10-03-11
Anything Goes: Our daughter called twice today with scheduling questions. She likes to line up her events, which this week include attending theater on Wednesday to see “Anything Goes”, the 1930’s Cole Porter musical romance. The tickets are a combined graduation and upcoming birthday gift from her aunt. Our daughter loves the show’s leading lady, […]
Witch/Which Mother? 9-28-11
Witch Mother Makes An Appearance: Today is a grey, wet, merciless looking day. It started out decently between my daughter and me. I met her at the apartment with the intent to shop for PJ’s. The new furniture, ottoman and two side tables, fits like a glove. No problem, no defects. But my daughter’s room […]
Flying Home On A Donut: 9-24-11
We Made It: I missed an exit leaving the Cape, no surprise as I was super sleepy. Sharing a bed with our daughter in an Inn she disliked (my mistake) left me super drained and groggy. Probably stirred up by the prospect of the following morning’s memorial service and reunion with former classmates, teachers, and […]
A Shared Grief and A Puncture: 9-23-11
Riverview: What a profound place, this special education school that embraces its students and their families with arms of acceptance and devotion, class and humor. The memorial service for this precious young man, who perished because his seizure disorder interrupted an innocent dive into a lake he has probably spent years paddling about in, wrapped […]
Purposeful Blogging, Pass It Along: 9-15-11
Get Started Now: Our daughter has been participating in the Ability Beyond Disability adult program for 2 plus months with the residential piece in place for the last 6 weeks. As I track this transition to independent living with supports, I am mindful that readers who have more recently joined this narrative may not benefit […]
Looking Ahead And Behind: 9-13-11
Full Schedule: Our daughter’s Fall schedule is rich in variety. She has a concert date to see Cobie Caillot, her current favorite, a trip to her alma mater for the memorial service of her school friend, the resumption of her riding class, Pegasus, this Saturday, hopefully new volunteer options including ROAR the animal shelter in […]
A Celebration For The Artists: 9-9-11
Sphere Art Program: The Ridgefield group SPHERE had their end of summer art show last night. Our daughter’s many pieces were displayed including the papier-mâché dog head. She and her apartment-mate greeted us in the Lounsbury House, the 1896 mansion on Main Street that serves as Ridgefield’s elegant community center. SPHERE board members were taking […]
Uggs, No Hugs: 9-8-11
30-Day Review: The meeting yesterday reviewing the first thirty days of adult independent living was a kind of love fest. The conference at Ability Beyond Disability had nine staff members, our daughter and myself. When I walked in at 12:30 our daughter was seated at the table nibbling on a bag of cheese crackers and drinking […]
The Thirty Day Meeting and Temporal Awareness: 9-7-11
Pending Good News: I received a voice mail from the Pegasus people to say that our daughter has a 95% chance of being in the Fall riding program. We will find out Thursday. At 12:30 today the Ability Beyond Disability staff and our DDS case manager meet at an ABD office to discuss the last […]
No Power, No Water, No Daughter: 9-1-11
September Morn: New England loves September. It is our return to clarity of mornings, yellow buses huffing and puffing fumes up steep hills (delayed by Irene’s iron club) the Mark Twain Library Book Fair (Twain lived and died in our Redding woods, founding his eponymous library during his two year stay). It is all a […]
Skunked And Bumped: 8-31-11
Home At Last: At 3 P.M. yesterday our daughter called, joyful the power was on in her Ridgefield apartment so the gal was going home. Whew! Now that was timely, as our son had reached me moments earlier from our house to say our generator was “fried.” Darn, the guys were right, keeping it on […]
A Sticky Visit and To Cry Or Not To Cry: 8-26-11
A Slight Melt: What was to be a quick visit to our daughter’s apartment yesterday evolved into a longer familiar episode in which an array of discomforts and stresses was expressed. The technical aspect of the Facebook issue was resolved prior to my arrival with a defriending. But the emotional aftermath with some spill over […]
Attaining A Rhythm: 8-25-11
Another Pop-In: Our son stopped by his sister’s apartment with a friend yesterday. They all had a blast together, the two young men, our daughter, her apartment-mate and some staff. The apartment offers a great social meeting place. Today I will run over at her request to chat about some “social” issues arising from a […]
Closing In On Fall: 8-22-11
September Schedule: When your children are no longer following a school semester schedule (first time in 21 years for us) and you happen into a Staples or even CVS, busting at the seams with frantic moms and distracted kids racing around with baskets full of notebooks and binders, it comes as a shock. Oh no, […]
The Night Shift and Supplemental Needs Trusts: 8-17-11
Unrealized Fears: The other mother and I had worries about the nighttime staff. The two women had appeared sleepy and detached at the all-staff introduction only a few short days before the girls moved to their new apartment and alarm bells related to nighttime, new home and strangers in charge rang loud in our maternal […]
Pregnant, Tired Or Fired? Nope Just Gone: 8-12-11
Irony, Life’s Theme Song: I just reread the last paragraph in my 8-8-11 post. The paragraph started with the topic: “I Love This Coach” and ended with a silent prayer. I think you get my drift already. Yes, the coach is gone, poof, as of yesterday. No kidding. Neither pregnant, tired nor fired, she just left. […]
A Visit From DDS: 8-10-11
Yesterday’s News: Our outstanding Connecticut Department of Developmental Services case manager visited the young ladies’ apartment yesterday. She sent me an email to express how much she liked the apartment, how happy the girls seem to be and what a wonderful job Ability Beyond Disability has done in fulfilling the record keeping requirements of DDS. […]
A Thumbs Up On Planet of The Apes: 8-8-11
Afternoon Review: As soon as I finished my post yesterday, with the assumption that our daughter was done with me for the day, she called. Back from her movie, and eager to share her impressions, we talked for about forty-five minutes. James Franco rocked, and the ape movie received a thumbs up from someone whose […]
Funding A Life and Some Polo Play: 8-7-11
Polo and Work: Dad reported wonderful things about our daughter’s Pegasus riding yesterday. The students were mimicking polo play, holding foam sticks aimed at balls on cones; even the horses were being trained to nudge the balls off the cones. She trotted, rising high in her saddle, followed by leaning so far forward that a […]
The Quesadilla Maker: 8-6-11
The Redheads Come To Call: One P.M. yesterday, just as advertised, our visitors rang the doorbell at our daughter’s new apartment. Mother and daughter drove 3 plus hours southwest to welcome our daughter to her new home. They came bearing gifts in colorfully wrapped packages, both eager to support our gal’s new life. Our daughter […]
Full Mailbox: 8-5-11
Mom’s Day Out: Mom’s Day Out hit all the right notes. The Frick Collection has many of the great masterpieces I studied on slides decades ago in college. Walking through its majestic rooms with Bellini’s St. Jerome, the Van Dykes, El Grecos and Turners, presumptuous as it sounds, felt like greeting old friends. “Oh there […]
Off To The City, Feeling A Little Giddy: 8-4-11
Facebook Cheering Squad: Before I head off to NYC, I must report that viewing my Facebook page and seeing the comments folks send to my daughter, comments from family, her friends, my friends and her brother’s friends, touches me deeply. I posted photos of the girls’ “installation” into their new abode and the feedback, “love […]
I Like This New Phase: 8-3-11
Dropping By: I like this new phase. Daughter lives twenty minutes away and requests some items. I drive over and drop off the items; we chat, go over her requests, I watch her proudly hang up her chains and bracelets on the jewelry lady stand the staff gave her, and then I leave. Pretty darn […]
Successful Launch: 8-2-11
Celebrating With Balloons and An Earache: Truly all went smoothly yesterday. Aside from an earache, probably swimmers ear (she is being taken to her doctor today by staff, amazing), the move-in was a triumph of coordination and readiness. Seven ABD staff members were present, setting up, cleaning or just greeting our daughter and her apartment-mate […]
The Chocolate Fountain and Mom’s Cognitive Confusion: 7-31-11
The Summer of Love About To End? Tonight is the final night home…tomorrow’s dawn introduces the new regime. For six weeks our daughter has conducted two on again, off again summer romances via cell phone conversations, Facebook and texting. Once she moves into her apartment new rules apply. This social romp, with no face-to-face encounters […]
Night Time Fears: 7-30-11
A Team of Caretakers: Ability Beyond Disability, our service provider agency, is hoping that the program developed for our daughter and her apartment mate will serve as both a template and a model program in the State. Utilizing the CRS residential category (a Connecticut Department of Developmental Services (DDS) model that translates to Continuous Residential Supports For […]
Bed Made, Now Sleep In It: 7-29-11
Apartment Ready: Yesterday our daughter worked at the Ridgefield Library straightening out the books. She also went swimming with her job coach at the Ridgefield Park and Recreation. All is proceeding beautifully. They then had a brown bag lunch (my daughter makes her bologna sandwich the night before) and came back to the family home. I […]
Haunting Scenarios: 7-28-11
Supermarket Couples: The images of elderly moms and middle-aged special needs adult children walking down the aisles of local markets always haunted me. Long before I had my own special child, I would see these twosomes and wonder what would happen to this special adult when their parent died? It all seemed so sad and […]
When Will We See Her Again? 7-27-11
Gulp: Today I spoke with our residential coordinator from ABD who is busy tying up loose ends, training staff and figuring out the Wi-Fi conundrum. I asked her about the move-in day, August 1. “Do we just send her off to her DSO (Day Service Options) at 9 a.m. and then she goes home to her […]
Count Down: 7-26-11
Ready Or Not: I think I am ready for the hand-off. More importantly is our daughter? I think so. I’m beat. But this is not about Mom. This is about our daughter and I think she is ready too. Home is good but it includes a “nagging mom” and nagging moms, at some point, are […]
How Do You Teach Gratitude And Hurrah For The Other Mother: 7-25-11
The Dining Table Deal: While we were blissfully removed from the angst of Wi-Fi and cable installation (not happening) enjoying a weekend by the sea, the other mother was nailing down the rest of the kitchen list and buying the living room television. Brava, Other Mother! And even better, she saw the dining table I […]
Back To Reality And A Star Magnet: 7-24-11
Sunday’s Farewell: The weekend family frolic is ending and we will soon board the ferry back to reality. I don’t know if the other mother picked up the list of household/ kitchen items and went off to shop. Or if measurements were taken with the intention to purchase the flat screen television for the living […]
Cleaning Sticky Books: 7-22-11
Madam Librarian: Our daughter’s first volunteer day at the Ridgefield Library was less than stellar, from her perspective. Her job was to wipe off the sticky smears left by preschoolers and the like on book covers and pages. To her credit, according to her coach, she did a thorough job. I thought that was grand. […]
Successfully Installed With One Glitch: 7-21-11
Danny and The Truck: Interesting how you can monitor delivery by the moment. Tracker Bob, or whatever it is called, keeps you guessing, but gives you answers. It’s just that they keep changing the answers, up, down and sideways. However, I did install myself in the Ridgefield apartment which joyously has central A.C., with my […]
No Cable, No Move? And Mucho Dinero: 7-20-11
No Kidding: 8:33 P.M. last evening our residential coordinator emailed that installation of the cable Wi-Fi system failed yesterday due to antiquated wiring. Hey, that sounds like me, antiquated wiring and some fraying around the edges. Her staff requires Internet access immediately upon move-in and it wasn’t certain that cable rescheduling with re-wiring is possible […]
Pots, Pans and New Plans: 7-18-11
Outfitting For Adulthood: Yesterday, the sunny sleepy summer kind of day, our daughter was content to loll around the house, regrouping from a hectic first week of Ability Beyond Disability programming, two very social nights at home, and an energizing yet ultimately enervating sidewalk sales event the previous day. Unfortunately for her, Mom has a […]
Madam Librarian And A Home In Two Towns: 7-13-11
Madam Librarian: At 4 P.M. yesterday, as instructed, I showed up at the Ridgefield Library, located in our daughter’s soon to be new hometown. As most continental Americans know, July 12th, 2011, was one hot day. Our daughter emerged from the library panting much like puppy dog Wags whom I had just left at home. […]
Waiting For The Little Bus, Again? 7-11-11
Deja Vu: It is 8:15 a.m. and our daughter is up, dressed, breakfasted and logged on to Facebook. The Ability Beyond Disability bus is expected any moment. After a five-year absence, and no longing for its return, I can’t believe the little bus will be coming up the drive again. So many memories of little […]
How Do You Translate Special Needs Into English? 5-30-11
A Different Journey: This is the season for parents to mark their children’s passages, whether it is a “moving up” ceremony to middle school, or the great leap from college to…somewhere and beyond. It is a fun exchange of parental pride edged with some skepticism and fear. But for the special needs parent, there is […]
Taking A Break: 5-12-11
Coming Down To The Wire: Today I am off to my daughter’s school. Four hours up, four hours down. She is having a bit of a rough patch and no wonder: this is the end of the year pressure that many students feel, special needs and typical, and on top of that, she is saying […]
In Transit: 5-1-11
Contact in Motion: Everyday for the last three weeks our daughter calls me. This is new. She has had a cell phone for probably four years but never has she called me with anything remotely resembling this frequency of contact. Probably ninety percent of the calls are made while in transit. She is on the […]