couples toolkit


A Valentine Cocktail: Imagination With A Splash Of Empathy

The romantic season starts now. It’s pretty short – twenty-four little hours. Well not really – there’s the build up and the aftermath to factor in. It is also an opportunity rich with the possibility of long lasting gain for your Coupledom. I will not challenge the merits of our culture’s classic symbols of romantic […]

Toolkit of New Years Vows for 2016

New Years Vows 2016: Each Day 1. Each Day I will wonder about you – how are you doing? How was your day? And each day I will take a moment to ask you. And each day I will actually listen to your answer. 2. Each Day I will tell you the truth. Each day […]

The Senior Coupledom*: Like the Elephant, Majestic and Scarred

I am impressed by the sheer physicality of a couple who have spent four and more decades married. There is something implacable, massive, monumental, well worn and a bit weary in their presentation. I see them in my office, town events, airports and cocktail parties. Like the elephant whose swaying bulky splendor moves towards the […]

Hidden In The Closet: Shopping Addiction & The Coupledom

Frequently, in couples therapy, a spouse will bring up concerns regarding what they view as their spouse’s excessive shopping. And this is not limited to the stereotype of the wife who has 100 pair of shoes lined up on the closet floor. It is also the husband with 100 shirts in duplicate colors, or a […]

Pixar Outs Emotions in “Inside Out”: Denial Folds

Before I saw the latest Pixar film Inside Out I was working on a post, “Wild With Denial,” about how couples get into trouble by denying their problems, denying their emotions – and how it only takes one in denial to throw off The Coupledom. “No we are not having a problem; nope it’s just […]

The Catch Phrases of Manipulation in The Coupledom

How can you tell if someone is manipulating you? Let’s see. Are you frequently unsettled and confused after a conversation that didn’t go as you expected? Do you identify with that deer in the headlights scrambling up the shoulder of the road to escape from the semi heading its way? Do you leave conversations with […]

Think Outside The Candy Box: Valentine’s Day 2015

Here we go again. Heart shaped red ribboned candy boxes full of chocolate promises deck the shelves of the local CVS. A few days ago I noticed some harried looking males anxiously flipping through the stacks of Valentine cards in the supermarket aisle. The pressure is on to perform the mating ritual and renewal that […]

Relationships 2015: Married and Otherwise

Holiday Greetings and Wishes for a robust Coupledom in 2015 – a relationship between two consenting adults that flourishes and bares healthy fruit, whether that means children, pets or simply a fulfilling shared life. I’d like to share some of my thoughts on how to approach your relationship in 2015. A couple of weeks ago […]

Lonely in The Coupledom: Post Holiday Blues

How Were The Holidays? The post holiday season can be an especially challenging time for couples. Perhaps you are empty nesters and the kids went back to school. Could be your vicarious thrill in watching your young children’s Christmas joy has waned with the new year or maybe when the grandparents flew back to home […]

In Time For Love: Opportunities Are Unlimited

Fifty and Older: A deeply distraught senior in his seventies faces the prospect of living in marital misery “until death do us part.” The chasm between the pair has widened over the decades and may be unfixable. His wife feels the same way. What are their choices: divorced and alone or together and unhappy? A […]