couples tool kit


Holiday Horrors for Adult Children of Divorce – A Toolkit of Options

There should be no shame in divorce. After all, it is a challenge to sustain a marriage through a lifetime. And the circumstances of each uncoupling is unique to the coupling pair. Yet the wake of pain can follow the players throughout a lifetime, with a residue that impacts children, grandchildren, new marriages and families […]

Communicate the Mundane and Avoid the Pain

While doing couples therapy, I am often struck by how much is left unsaid between couples, both of a factual and feeling nature, that emerges in sessions days, weeks and sometimes months past the actual situation. The back and forth which typically ensues when reviewing transactions that have caused trouble stimulates in each partner the […]

Assumptions and Projections: A Corrosive Influence in The Coupledom

In my practice over the years, I have watched couples behave toward each other in ways that scream “unhealthy.” Often, these behaviors are the outcome of two mental activities that we define in our dictionaries as “assumption” and “projection.” In this context, the relevant definition of assumption is: “A thing that is accepted as true […]

The Senior Coupledom*: Like the Elephant, Majestic and Scarred

I am impressed by the sheer physicality of a couple who have spent four and more decades married. There is something implacable, massive, monumental, well worn and a bit weary in their presentation. I see them in my office, town events, airports and cocktail parties. Like the elephant whose swaying bulky splendor moves towards the […]

Strangers On The Couch: Couples Therapy

In Translation: “Let me introduce you to your mate.” This is what I would like to say to my patients “on the couch” more often than not. Have you met before? I feel as if my job as their therapist is to be translator, interpreter, facilitator and teacher to two people who at times speak […]

Have a Happy Thanksgiving from The Couples Tool Kit!

Jill is taking a vacation from the Blog this week for Thanksgiving. She’ll be back next week with new posts for both the Couples Tool Kit and Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day at a Time. We wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving holiday. And if you’re looking for Jill’s posts about the stress […]

The Singledom Blues

The Suitable Other: I have been asked by folks, who are negotiating the worlds of post-divorce, widowhood, breakups and unwanted celibacy, to share some thoughts on The Singledom, a phrase used here to encompass a life in search of the suitable other.  What’s New Under The Dating Sun? Mainly the pace and the method of […]

When Will We See Her Again? 7-27-11

Gulp: Today I spoke with our residential coordinator from ABD who is busy tying up loose ends, training staff and figuring out the Wi-Fi conundrum. I asked her about the move-in day, August 1. “Do we just send her off to her DSO (Day Service Options) at 9 a.m. and then she goes home to her […]

Successfully Installed With One Glitch: 7-21-11

Danny and The Truck: Interesting how you can monitor delivery by the moment. Tracker Bob, or whatever it is called, keeps you guessing, but gives you answers. It’s just that they keep changing the answers, up, down and sideways. However, I did install myself in the Ridgefield apartment which joyously has central A.C., with my […]

Graduation #1: 5-24-11

Project Forward: This morning we are heading up to Cape Cod for the Project Forward graduation ceremony at Cape Cod Community College in Barnstable. I plan to buy some flowers or a Vera Bradley something while on the road. My husband and son are on board and our daughter is super excited. Three Diplomas: Actually, […]