The Coupledom


To Marriage Therapy or Not To Marriage Therapy

Elizabeth Weil’s clever cover story in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, “Married With Issues” raises three critical questions for all couples:  1. What should couples expect from their marriage/relationship. 2.  How can they tell if it is “good enough” as is or deserves attention.  3. What do they do about it? The answer is […]

Holiday Mayhem for the Coupledom?

One Big Holiday Down: No matter which holiday you subscribe to, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, Ramadan or Kwanzaa, holiday gatherings tap chords of joy and notes of challenge for the best of couples. This is when partners feel pressured to perform at peak, cooking, cleaning, decorating, buying gifts, setting up guest facilities […]

A Couples’ Challenge: Special Needs Children, Young and Adult

SPECIAL NEEDS: The term is used here to include children of any age with medical, emotional and/or cognitive challenges. This will be the first of several posts on this subject A PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL PERSPECTIVE: As a parent of a special needs young adult, and a couples therapist, I see firsthand the impact that raising, […]

Triangle Traps

No relationship is an island unto itself:  There are in laws, children, friends, political parties, neighbors and pets, all of whom can serve up a poisonous stew of triangulation unless a couple is trained to look out for this vile brew. Typical triangulations are: a child and one parent talk negatively about the other parent […]

What we can learn about marriage from Michelle Obama

“The equality of any partnership ‘is measured over the scope of the marriage. It’s not just four years or eight years or two.’” Michelle Obama knows that every relationship is a work in progress. The New York Times Magazine article, “The Obamas’  Marriage” by Jodi Kantor 11/01/09, touches on some of the cornerstones of the […]

The Daily Challenge of Reentry

At the end of the work day, whatever the time, be it 6 P.M. or 12 midnight, a couple reunites under the same roof. How that reunion goes impacts greatly on the relationship over time, months, years. This is also true for couples where one partner travels and re entry may occur after a few […]

How to Accept and Enjoy Differences

Couples often are strikingly bewildered by their partner’s inability to feel what they feel and act as they do. It does not easily compute that this person, with whom I have chosen to spend my time, thinks so differently and behaves so “unlike me.” And the “unlike me” is the operative word here. The human […]

Knee Jerks

“He/She started it.” Couples are very reactive to each other. A mere word, look or slam of a pan can ignite the air and partners are off and running with a volley of angry words, tears and recriminations. These are  “knee jerk reactions” that seem called for, but in fact, are exactly what is not […]

The Factor of TIME: Underrated and Overlooked

TIME is a most precious commodity. Yet TIME for the couple to be together is often overlooked and undervalued, each partner rushing to do his or her best at the socially prescribed “role” of parent, employee or community volunteer. In therapy, TIME for the couple is valued, precious, proscribed and imposed. Boundaries are firm and […]