The Coupledom


Pandemic Wisdom For The Coupledom: The Chance To Be Swaddled Again

This painful Pandemic Pause in our lives offers a time for reflection. And this post is the product of that reflection. As I said to one couple who visited for a session outside on my deck, often what we seek from each other is to be comforted, swaddled, made to feel safe again. And most […]

For The Coupledom: What to Ask Your Parents While They Are Alive

The sad season of the global Pandemic and its devastation in our nation prompts many questions and offers new opportunities. For the Coupledom and for adult children everywhere, the mortality reality accentuates the limits of “time” and the unpredictability of loss. In my work, I encourage couples and individuals to be curious about their parents’ […]

For the Coupledom: How to Take Ownership and Why It Is So Scary

Reader Beware: This post is not intended for the quick fixers or the folks who find exploration of emotion boring! The hardest psychological endeavor in the couples therapy process is the act of taking ownership for perceived hurtful behaviors to one’s partner. Seconds after a spouse expresses their feelings, with lightning speed, their partner launches […]

Coupledom Crossroads: Empty Nesting in the Age of Netflix

Lately I have seen an increase in couples turning to therapy as a tool to navigate the empty nest chapter of their marriage, or an impending retirement of one or both of the partners. A new current of concern is vibrating through the Coupledom – the unknown is looming and the challenges in the relationship that […]

Communicate the Mundane and Avoid the Pain

While doing couples therapy, I am often struck by how much is left unsaid between couples, both of a factual and feeling nature, that emerges in sessions days, weeks and sometimes months past the actual situation. The back and forth which typically ensues when reviewing transactions that have caused trouble stimulates in each partner the […]

Holiday Season – No Time To Test The Relationship, Yet Opportunity Knocks

I have written a number of posts on holiday challenges including Valentine’s Day and Christmas. I suggest that folks review these posts in the next week. My clinical observation and I think this is a pretty obvious observation, is that holidays often intensify couples conflict. It’s a bit like the flu season. Exposure to germs is a guarantee; […]

Time and The Coupledom

My son has a passion for timepieces. As a five-year-old boy he “stole” one of his grandfather’s watches. A year later I found it under his mattress. Today he pursues his passion in a more conventional manner, and his pleasure in how time is tracked through beauty and ingenuity is something I share with him. […]

Assumptions and Projections: A Corrosive Influence in The Coupledom

In my practice over the years, I have watched couples behave toward each other in ways that scream “unhealthy.” Often, these behaviors are the outcome of two mental activities that we define in our dictionaries as “assumption” and “projection.” In this context, the relevant definition of assumption is: “A thing that is accepted as true […]

Don’t Wait – That’s The Biggest Mistake!

When asked what is the most serious mistake that couples make, I answer, they wait too long to get help. The energy required to sustain a disabled Coupledom and avoid facing the realization that “we have problems that need professional expertise” could be channeled into using that “help” to improve the marriage. In fact, problems […]

As The Toilet Paper Rolls: The Domestic Challenge

  A close up view of the daily goings on of a typical American Coupledom resembles a made for primetime series or a daytime soap. And that is what the most successful series chronicle – the minutiae of lives joined together. Could be Friends or Modern Family but the humor tends to be built upon […]