Role of Denial in the Coupledom


Bully Wives #2 – Am I a Bully Wife?

Publishing a piece on Bully Wives during this momentous chapter in our cultural history might seem grossly insensitive or politically and socially deaf. I actively support the #MeToo movement and am marching in step with the challenges to male dominance and exploitation of women which have brought courageous women and some men to tell their stories, […]

No, You Are The Problem: Finger Pointing in The Coupledom

Easy Enough: Is there anything easier, almost at any age, than pointing your finger at someone? Towards the end of the first year of life, most babies are pointing at something. And in our final days, feeble though we may be, we still have point-ability. No wonder we stay attached to this skill: it is […]

Marital Myths: I Thought I Could Change Him/Her

Chemistry Compromises Clarity: We meet, we spark and we bond. What are the variables that allow folks to desire attaching themselves to someone? Physical attraction is a pretty heady draw but if met with an unappealing personality, a “dud” may not sustain its spark. There are many additional sources of attachment attraction. “We have fun […]

Coupledoms, Focus On Education!

Clarifying Priorities: I do not consider myself an expert on economics, not even adequate, but I am an expert on couples and families. Today’s New York Times’ Op Ed column by David Brooks is a must read for couples with children. Scroll down to paragraph 7 and read his description of something he terms “Red […]

The Coupledom Contract: Who Gets Thrown Under The Bus?

The Costs Of Accommodation: There are many unspoken and even unconscious clauses in most Coupledoms. They may include never confronting your partner with the reality of their tone-deaf singing or limited grace on the dance floor. Perhaps the overcooked spaghetti goes unmentioned, or the gardening attempts that are less than stellar. None of these accommodations […]

What Are The Daughters Thinking? DSK, Schwarzenegger, Clinton

Imagine: Can anyone imagine DSK’s lunch with his daughter 17 minutes after he left the Sofitel Hotel and his encounter with a hotel housekeeper? Whatever that moment was in the Sofitel, DSK shifted to dad mode within minutes of being “someone else.” His daughter Camille is a 25-year-old Columbia University graduate student. After her dad’s […]

What Do Your Children Know About Your Coupledom?

Little Pitchers, Big Ears?  Children are sponges. They are meant to be so. Absorbent. It facilitates learning the art of  being human. Parents swell with pride when describing the latest juvenile achievement, seemingly spun from some invisible loom. Yet this sponge-like quality of growing children is recognized by proud parents when it suits us, and denied […]

Charlie Sheened? When Your Spouse Is Unraveling, What To Do?

The Foundation is Cracking: An earthquake, a tsunami or the breakdown of a family member? Viewing Charlie Sheen on the T.V. screen, gaunt and pulsating with the energy of an avalanche, full of spit and spin, dark circles rimming incendiary eyes, evokes a sadness and melancholy in me for both him and his family. Though […]

The Affair: No Moralizing Here

Before; After; Not Yet; Never: Whatever your grouping of the moment, this read is for you. In today’s New York Times Modern Love Column, Wendy Plump pens an honest, metaphorically incisive depiction of an affair in The Coupledom. Having played both sides of it, Ms. Plump knows her stuff. No Moralizing Here? Are you already squeamish […]

Tiger’s Tale: Tiger Woods, Elin; Denial and the Coupledom

The Role of Denial in the Coupledom:   How many more times before the year is out, will another powerful man be exposed as a philanderer? Will we see more women standing at podiums reminding us of the old ballad, “Stand By Your Man”?  For the Coupledom, what can be learned here? In one word, […]