Me/Us? Personal identity, the self-defining kind, helps us to make the big life choices such as college, career, mate, when to breed, as well as small ones such as shoe selection, hair color and movies. Each time we say yes or no to something, we are giving off a whiff of who we are. When [...]
Have That Conversation
Tone, Look, Word (TLW): Stop the Poison Communication
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.A Volley of Gunfire Or A Conversation: Negative Communications. There are endless reasons why couples find themselves choosing tones, looks and words that insult, mock, tease and demean their partner. Hurt and angry feelings are no strangers to any relationship. The sarcastic tone, rolling eyes, mouth twisted in a smirk, and words that sting, all [...]
Married to Wikipedia: The Evolving Marriage
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.The Expert: About a decade ago, I worked with a May-December Coupledom, the wife almost twenty years junior to her hubby, who were at a marital crossroads. The images each had originally held of the other were now anachronistic. The husband seemed trapped in the patriarchal position of most knowledgeable, the decider and the protector. [...]
Note To My Ex: What To Do With All That Stuff
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Bitter Twitter: On August 22, the highest trending tweet was #NoteToMyEx. Thousands of tweets spewed across the Twitterverse with such as: I can be happy without you and I’m doing so much better then when I was with you. let’s clarify: you were LUCKY to have me. I was the one settling. So shut up. [...]
Sexual Pain Or Impaired Performance: No Shame, No Blame
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.What Is Not Spoken: As a couples’ therapist I am accustomed to learning from my patients that they have not experienced sexual intimacy for months or years leading up to their visits with me. Numbers of years. What is equally significant is the common admission that paralleling the absence of physical contact has been the [...]
An Article Worth Sharing: Pre-Marital Cohabitation
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.This Merits a Perusal: I am about to take a journey with my spouse which will include an abundant amount of “quality time” together, some of it on the road. Hence I am sure that upon my return home, I will have ample material to ponder and share. I had no plans to post anything [...]
The Un-Romantic Bed
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Bill Maher: If ever there were an unromantic guy, it is Bill Maher with his surgeon-like skill to slice away all artifice and get to the earthy or seamy underbelly of so much of life, political and otherwise. Recently, he made a comment about sleep which got me thinking about the unromantic aspect of sleeping [...]
“Money Matters” in The Coupledom: Budget 2012
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Money Is Big: As the New Year confronts us, money matters can loom large in the line-up of Coupledom challenges: What are the expenditure priorities this year? Who manages the finances? Who pays the monthly bills, or not? Who brings home the dough? Who decides on how it is spent? Who knows where the money [...]
The Coupledom Dreams: Using Our Unconscious To Communicate
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Talking In Our Sleep: Lying next to each other, so near yet in our own worlds, The Coupledom dreams, every night in fact, during what is called the REM stage of sleep, which amounts to approximately 25% of sleeping time. Yet what do we do with this rich resource of mental activity as a couple? [...]
Bully Wives? Yes, But They Don’t Know It.
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Powerful Impact: Women are depicted as the “weaker sex”; have been for centuries. And in so many ways the inculcation of that notion, along with certain biological and physical realities, has successfully rendered them so, a state many of us fight each day. Yet there are times when sitting in my office, or out socializing, [...]