Me/Us? Personal identity, the self-defining kind, helps us to make the big life choices such as college, career, mate, when to breed, as well as small ones such as shoe selection, hair color and movies. Each time we say yes or no to something, we are giving off a whiff of who we are. When [...]
couples therapy
Strangers On The Couch: Couples Therapy
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.In Translation: “Let me introduce you to your mate.” This is what I would like to say to my patients “on the couch” more often than not. Have you met before? I feel as if my job as their therapist is to be translator, interpreter, facilitator and teacher to two people who at times speak [...]
Lying While Cycling: Do Liars Change?
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Big Stakes Question: Will I ever be able to trust you again? Lies, a pattern of lying, finally exposed and then at last a forced coming clean; what does any of that mean? Frankly there is no more powerful issue in couples therapy – in all interpersonal linkages, than this question: Do liars change? Lance [...]
Note To My Ex: What To Do With All That Stuff
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Bitter Twitter: On August 22, the highest trending tweet was #NoteToMyEx. Thousands of tweets spewed across the Twitterverse with such as: I can be happy without you and I’m doing so much better then when I was with you. let’s clarify: you were LUCKY to have me. I was the one settling. So shut up. [...]
No, You Are The Problem: Finger Pointing in The Coupledom
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Easy Enough: Is there anything easier, almost at any age, than pointing your finger at someone? Towards the end of the first year of life, most babies are pointing at something. And in our final days, feeble though we may be, we still have point-ability. No wonder we stay attached to this skill: it is [...]
Healing The Coupledom: Neurobiology and Couples Therapy
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.The Refuge of Stories: Steve Almond, the son of therapists, author and writing workshop teacher, described in a New York Times Sunday magazine article the mushrooming popularity of today’s writing workshops, which he views as a version of the old “talk therapy”, so popular prior to the psychopharmacological and managed care revolutions in mental health. [...]
To Marriage Therapy or Not To Marriage Therapy
Written by Jill Edelman M.S.W., L.C.S.W.Elizabeth Weil’s clever cover story in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, “Married With Issues” raises three critical questions for all couples: 1. What should couples expect from their marriage/relationship. 2. How can they tell if it is “good enough” as is or deserves attention. 3. What do they do about it? The answer is [...]