Admission Paperwork: On Friday, May 6th, our daughter becomes a client of her service agency. The other mother and I are instructed to bring psychological evaluations, documentation of all income sources such as SSI and SSA; Medicaid and social security cards; guardianship documents; recent medical exams; lists of medications and doctors information to a meeting […]
Archives for April 2011
Clarification: No Magic Wand Here: 4-29-11
Looks Easier Than It is or Was: As I continue to blog about the next chapter in our daughter’s life, I want to make sure folks know that I stumbled along in the darkness for a long time too. That pieces of this crazy quilt are slowly assembling should not obscure that I had no […]
Inspection Rehearsal: 4-28-11
Passed So Far: At the request of myself and the other mother, the service manager from our daughter’s soon-to-be service agency and a DDS representative met with the realtor and me at a 2-bedroom apartment in the complex where we hope the young ladies will reside. The purpose was to find out if this unit, though […]
Kate and William: The Royal Coupledom
Love In The Limelight: It is difficult to know which combination is more challenging: a coupledom where both parties are super famous as in Brangelina; one party is famous and the other unknown, by contrast, as is the case of Kate and William; or both parties are famous but one is a superstar; an example […]
Discomfort Zone: 4-27-11
Scathing But Essential: Yesterday’s post resonated with a number of moms who identified with the need to present their child’s abilities with scathing accuracy. Scathing in the normal world, because the flaws and imperfections, weaknesses, incapacities, seeming “stupidities” are emphasized, not the talents, the goodness nor the abilities. This is a deeply painful process for a […]
Needs Based Assessments and IQ: 4-26-11
A Significant and Subtle Difference: While on the campus of my daughter’s school Sunday I ran into a mom whom I have mentioned here previously. Her daughter has two more years at school before she “ages out” into the adult special needs community. It is increasingly clear to me that a seemingly innocent evaluation by […]
The Coupledom: Is It Too Late?
Inspiration: This post was inspired by a friend. He calls it “Nurture the Coupledom.” He and his wife arranged for their child to be left with grandparents for her first overnight to enable them to “go out”, as in a “date night.” I could hear his pride both in his daughter’s readiness for this big […]
Graduation Queen: 4-25-11
Closed Stores and Opened Hearts: Our visit with our daughter was delicious. Not because we shopped until she dropped, because most of the stores at the outdoor mall she had chosen, were closed for Easter Sunday. She weathered this disappointment without a blip. In the past, this would have been a disaster. The restaurant she […]
Easter Sunday With Our Daughter: 4-24-11
Eight Hours Roundtrip: Our daughter has invited us to spend Sunday with her. She has planned the entire day. In consultation with her dorm counselors, her own excellent internet skills and keen eye for shopping possibilities and eateries, she has picked a new locale for her folks to visit with her. Empowered and Proud: You […]
Aging Out Scenarios: 4-23-11
Each One Is Different: Our daughter’s boarding school offers a transition weekend program each school year. Over five years, I attended three of these weekends. Amongst an offering of workshops on a range of relevant topics, the program includes a panel of parents whose children graduated from the school and are now in that phase […]
The Young Ladies Are Getting Psyched: 4-22-11
Roommates: Yesterday our daughter’s roommate joined her mother and I when we visited the two apartments. She had an Easter break which our daughter did not. There was a noticeable excitement in her face as we walked through the doorways of each apartment. Together the mom and daughter inspected closets and checked kitchen cabinets, chatting […]
Good News and More Questions: 4-21-11
9:09 A.M. Today: I just wanted to let you know that PRAT reviewed and approved the request for rent subsidy for both girls, effective 7/1/11! That email came from our case manager just as the other mother and I are about to visit two potential rental sites. Timely for two reasons: PRAT approved an […]
“Oh, The People You’ll Meet”: 4-20-11
Full Circle: Perhaps sixteen years ago or so, I attended a local meeting of parents of children with challenges. We were early in our journey and I found myself memorized by an attractive, vibrant mom whose son was perhaps eight or so years older than my daughter. She impressed me with her blunt approach towards […]
Graduation 2011: Again? 4-19-11
Another Graduation: Our daughter graduated from her boarding school secondary program in 2009. Two years later, one year shorter than many of her fellow graduates in ’09, she is about to graduate from the post secondary program. I thought we would low key this one. Her secondary program graduation brought in cousins, aunts, uncles and […]
Our Daughter’s Question: 4-18-11
Keeping Her In The Loop: Our daughter called yesterday with a question, “Did M. (our case manager) find out about the funding yet? Furthermore, “When will we know about the apartment?” I can hear both interest and excitement in her voice. An Informed Consumer: For years I have kept her abreast of the broad strokes […]
On The Same Page: 4-17-11
Vacancy: Yesterday we received notice in the mail that a vacancy for a two bedroom apartment in an affordable housing complex became available. Sadly not in the town of our choice. Nor an area that we view as safe. The Other Mother: The notice came to our family but the decision had to be made by […]
Female and Special Needs: 4-16-11
Female and Special Needs: Our daughter qualifies for 24/7 supervision, so far. This designation is based on a group of factors including navigating safely while traveling to different settings; transitioning from one activity to another on time, such as sleep to work; social judgements along the lines of what to do if approached at the mall […]
Bureaucracy versus Safety: 4-15-11
Ceiling on Rent: I am feeling concerned regarding rent allocations. There is a HUD ceiling for a rental in our area that falls short of the current market value of a two bedroom apartment in the town that we would like our daughter to reside. To apply for a higher rent subsidy allocation, the other […]
The Alphabet Soup of Adult Special Needs: 4-14-11
Acronyms Abound: The category of housing that meets our daughter’s needs is a relatively new designation referred to as a CRS (Continuous Residential Support – different from a traditional group home/CLA “Community Living Arrangement” as CLA’s are licensed, and funding is different. The CRS “allows for more self-determination”. PRAT (Program Review….)is the body that will make the […]
Building Momentum: 4-13-11
A Structure Unfolding: We have momentum now. On the funding front our case manager and the services director from the service agency are putting the finishing touches on “Packages” to be presented to the funding bodies for approval. On another front, since our daughter’s decision not to return to her school/camp for the five week […]
Exiting: The Purpose of This Meeting 4-12-11
The Final PPT: Yesterday, I received confirmation for our final PPT, mid May. Our daughter is now about to “exit” from our school district after 13 years of being under their auspices, since the age of 3. From her entrance into an inclusion special education preschool through her freshman year at the local high school, […]
Our Daughter The Blogger? 4-11-11
A Question of Privacy: Our daughter knows that I write a blog on couples relationships. As yet I have not told her that I began blogging on her aging out process. I figure this is a conversation to have in person, with visuals. She has enough on her plate, as they say, without adding another […]
Stereotyping The Coupledom
Stereotyping Your Partner: One marvels at the power of gender stereotyping in The Coupledom, that domicile in which the relationship resides. Years, even decades into a marriage, partners interpret behaviors in the language of expected gender norms. Often these interpretations are inaccurate and create emotional distance rather than facilitate connectedness. Dismissive or Disengaged? At the […]
Structure or Regression: 4-10-11
A Tenet of Special Needs: Every parent of a special needs child fears “lack of structure”. You begin to hear that term as soon as your child is identified. I assume you work at it for the rest of your functioning parental life. Because, the warning goes, if your child does not have “structure”, they […]
Looks Like She Is Ready: 4-9-11
Saturday 11:30 a.m. ” I want to do Angelfish with Cindy this summer”. Our daughter appears to be ready to leave her school for good! Wow. She proudly announce this decision before noon today via cell phone. “I need to work this summer!” Tempted But Controlled: I was briefly tempted to review that both Angelfish […]
Confusion Looms: 4-8-11
Grey Choices: Making decisions when grey is the color of the moment, is tough for all of us. Our daughter is at a crossroads of such a situation. Summer Planning is Obtuse: Eluding us is a concrete aged out plan for the summer due to funding delays. Question: should our daughter return to her school […]
To My Readers
Thank you so much for continuing to read The Couples Tool Kit. As you may have noticed, I have embarked on a new journey, and I wish to reassure each of you that I will continue to write about issues of importance to The Coupledom. Parenting Adult Special Needs: One Day At A Time After […]
Parenting Special Needs: Find a Mutual Passion: 4-7-11
Bonding and Passion: Follow Their Bread Crumbs. I was thinking about how I discovered the key to managing a young defiant special needs child. For many many years our daughter was resistant to most activities outside the home except shopping. She loved the mall. At 2 years old she could go through the racks of […]
Are We There Yet? 4-6-11
Purpose, Patience and Perseverance, The Three P’s of This Process: A fellow parent from my daughter’s school emailed yesterday with questions regarding the aging out process. Her daughter is a fellow schoolmate of our daughter, one year her junior and from a different state. As I responded to her email a bunch of memories flowed […]
Apartment Hunting and Oprah: 4-5-11
Today looked great: The “Other Mother” and I went to look at an apartment in the desired location, a nearby town with excellent services and a wonderful adult special needs community. We had visited an affordable housing site a week earlier in a less desirable town. The apartment we visited today was perfect. Three hours […]
Funding: A Cautionary Tale, 4-4-11
Vigilance Required: As we approached our daughter’s 21st birthday, and subsequent aging out of our school district, we considered whether an out-of-pocket third post secondary year at her special education boarding school, would be indicated. “Out of pocket” 100%! Our local school district has funded an important portion of our daughter’s education for the last […]
Having A Comrade Helps: 4-3-11
Our daughter is matched with another young lady to share an apartment (a CRS), and supervisory staff (utilizing the same service agency, required, and a common DDS case manager, helpful but not necessary). Two young ladies together is good. For funding and other reasons, three would be better but no other match exists at this time. […]
Crazy Quilt, 4-2-11
The actual date of the allocation of funding for our daughter’s new life remains elusive due to the labyrinthine nature of bureaucracy. Slated as a “priority age out”, that is, 21 years old, and having lived outside the parental home, with a sufficient level of need, our daughter is in a good position to receive […]